Category Archives: Uncategorized

Sept. 8th,2021.

You’ve been gone over 4 years now. I really miss you. I still love you like you were here.

I wish you had never been with that woman. She was bad news from the start. You thought the world rose and set in her. She turned out to be what we thought she was , a gold digger. She used all your money and used you up , then when she was tired of you she got rid of you. When she didn’t want to take care of you anymore she killed you.

I know she smothered you with a pillow, after keeping you drugged up with morphine. All she could do was dance around waiting for you to die. I watched her. I never seen someone in such a good mood the way she was when she thought you were dying.

She said you were supposed to die that weekend. She was so surprised when you didn’t. I remember she kept saying ,that she couldn’t believe you were still alive. I looked at her so strangely. I thought , you’re suppose to love my dad, why are in hurry for him to die. I asked her if she would miss you , she said she would , but that she knew you needed to go.

I never could understand someone that would dance around the house and sing , like she could hardly wait for you to die. She never seemed sad , the way a person would if they were losing someone they loved. I saw right through her. She thought I was stupid. She thought because I had problems with depression ,that I couldn’t see how she really was. But I saw it. I didn’t let her know it, but I saw how she was acting. Like a woman that could hardly wait till you were gone.

When you didn’t die when she thought you should ,she got angry. She said she would tell us kids when it was getting close for you to die. She didn’t call us until after you were gone. When I got to her house and I saw you, I knew she had done something to you. You looked like you had been smothered with a pillow. The look on your face was that of surprise. You were looking straight up at the ceiling and you looked like you just couldn’t believe what she had done. I will never forget that look on your face. I had to close your eyes because she didn’t. Shes been with enough people that’s died , that I couldn’t believe she wouldn’t close your eyes. When I asked her about it she said that she just flew out of the room when you died. You left the room real quick, because you knew you had just killed him. With all the people you had been with that died , I don’t believe that you were that disturbed to see my dad die. After all, that’s what you did , was take care of sick people. So why should it shock you to see him go. It shocked you, because you killed him. We all know that you killed our dad. We just couldn’t prove it. You had him imbalmed as soon as he got to the funeral home. We couldn’t do anything , because dad made you powered of attorney. But we know what you did.

Then you wouldn’t help pay for his funeral, knowing that we were having a hard time with it. What kind of a person that loves someone won’t help bury her beloved ? You didn’t, because your a no account woman.

I watched you with my dad. You didn’t care about him , just his money and what you could get from him. You acted sick the whole time you were with him. You were on oxygen. You walked with a cane. But the sicker my dad got , the better you got. No more oxygen, no more cane. What was up with that? It was all an act so you could take everything from my dad. I’m just sorry he couldn’t see it.

You kept us kids away from him the best you could. We weren’t even allowed at the hospital while he was in there. You didn’t want us there, because you knew we would ask questions. I never got to see dad when you said he was so sick, because you wouldn’t allow us there. Why was that? I know why, because you didn’t want us knowing anything about our dad. What a vicious woman you were. You would never let dad come visit us, you always kept him to yourself, so you could control him. I wish dad would have believed us when we were trying to tell him that. But you kept him so messed up , he didn’t know what was going on. You wouldn’t give him his medicines right. I believe half the time you never gave them to him at all , and when you did it was the wrong dosage. You kept him right were you wanted him, not right in the head.

I remember being at your house and dad never seemed himself. But when he had to spend time in the nursing home, you weren’t there very much. That was the best dad had ever been. He was getting his medicine on time and in the right dosage , and he was the dad I remember. He gets back to you and it starts all over again. We weren’t stupid , we knew you were messing with him and his drugs, but we couldn’t prove anything.

But you will pay for what you’ve done. God will take care of you , and I will be so glad when he does. You are a worthless woman that only deserves payback. I will be glad when you get it. I can’t stand you Doris. I’m waiting for the day you die , so you can’t hurt anyone else.

I will write later!!!

Sept. 6th,2021.

It is hard for two families to live together. My daughter lived with me and we argued a lot. Her boyfriend was here, and her daughter. No matter what we did , it was hard on all of us. No matter how much I loved them ,it wasn’t enough.

I know some people going through the very same things as I did. But it is much worse than my situation. The kids practically run the house of these people. The grand kids are there too. The problem is that they love those grand kids so much ,that it makes it hard for them to think of their kids moving out. Even though that’s what they need to do.

These kids don’t want to pay rent or anything. His wife just sits there all day doing nothing. Not even helping in the house. The son wants to watch what ever he wants no matter what anyone else says. He complains If the lady of the house has a show on she likes . He always smarts off about it. All they want to do is yell at the kids all the time. They wouldn’t even pay attention to their first boy, now all they have to say is how grandma and grandpa has spoiled him. Well you can’t spoil a child if you’re involved in their life. So if he is spoiled it’s your fault for not taking interest in him.

Grow up and get a life of your own, and leave mom and dad alone. Find a place to move and go. Your family needs to be on it’s own. Don’t blame mom and dad for your mistakes of staying with them for a long time. Get out a make a home for yourself. Stop relying on mom and dad.

Don’t use the kids to threaten your parents with either. That is immature , and it’s not fair to the kids or your parents. Move out with dignity and love. Let your parents see the kids , be grown ups , not people younger than your kids.

If two families could get along that would be great. But they can’t. Everyone should have their own life to live and live it in your house.

I will write later!!!

Sept. 5 the, 2021.

We’ve been together for awhile now. We’ve had fun, we do a lot of things together , like shopping, going and getting food for our pets. We go hiking and we go out to eat. We have fun in bed then we go to sleep.

We have our bad times too. I don’t like it when we argue. Your afraid I’m going to cheat on you with someone else. I just want to be myself.

Why don’t you want me to have friends to talk to? Why do you get jealous of me having other people in my life. Right now , I’m not even your wife.

I know you talk to other girls. Especially at work. I pull up at your work and your sitting with a girl outside. When you pulled up at my work and seen me talking to two people , you got mad. One of them was married and a dad.

Because one was a guy you didn’t like it. But I was also talking to a girl. But that didn’t matter , because you still got angry. Why get upset over me talking to my coworkers? You talk to your coworkers.

These things are not good for us. All they do is make us distrust. I don’t know about you , but I’m sad a lot of the time, and mad.

We have to find a way to get past this or we may not make it. Is that what you want, to be alone with no home?

A person can only take so much. Telling the truth is a must. Lying is something that I don’t like . So stop doing it , or I will tell you to take a hike.

Trust is important and so is truth. Stop lying to me or I’ll give you the boot. I have to have friends and so do you. Or do want me going around feeling blue?

Love is a good thing , but not if you don’t trust me. So stop being so suspicious and just love me. Just let us be , we.

I will write later !!!

Sept. 4th,2021

Right outside the window is the night. It’s awesome and a beautiful sight. I love the dark, and it loves me. I love it when it’s dark enough to be purple. The shadows are playing on the grass, my imagination is glowing like glass.

I am flying high in the sky, I swoop down and take a bite of you. There’s nothing you can do. You hold your neck and see blood. You’ve fallen down in the mud.

You lift yourself up to see wings. But you can’t make out a thing. I haunt the dark like a bat. I jump rope with the rats.

When you see me you scream in terror. When I smile at you , you run in fear. I say wait my little dear. I’m not going to hurt you if you stop. I just want to suck a little drop.

Waiting in the dark is what I do. Don’t run so fast to lose a shoe. Come back to me and let me hold you .

Let me love you my way. Let me want to make you stay. Biting necks is a good pass time, sucking blood is my life’s blood line.

I wait in the dark for someone like you. I wait in the dark for something to do. I love to fly and play with shadows. I love it when we go to the gallows. I love my nights so full of fun , I really hate to see the sun. Remember I will be waiting in the dark. Stay in your house and don’t go in the park.

I will write later !!!

Sept.4th,2021.

I didn’t sleep very well last night , so I slept in some. When I got up I sat and had some coffee. Troy was cleaning out the car. God knows it needed it.

Later we went to get a hamster for Desiree. We went to Petco in Columbus. Those little animals are $20.00 there. I can remember when you could get them cheaper than that. I spent $50.00 on the animal and the stuff that goes with it. Personally , I think that’s a lot of money on a little animal.

But Desiree wanted one, and her birthday is coming up so we got her one. She is so hard to buy for. We can never think of anything to get her. So maybe she will like the hamster.

It’s a cute little thing, Desiree named it Twix. It’s a girl so I guess that’s ok. The last One we had was named Chewy. We had him a long time. He was so tame he was like a dog. I loved that hamster. I hope this one gets to be like that. I cried when he died. That’s why I hate getting things like that. Anything you can love, it will hurt when it dies. But you’ve got to love them while they are here.

I will write later !!!

Sept. 4th 2021

Life is like oxygen , you get too much , you get high , and not enough and your going to die. At least that what a song says .

Life is hard at best, I think most of the time it’s a test. Just to see how your going to do, or to see if you’ll get through.

You’re a kid and you play with toys. You grow up to play with boys. When boys hurt you you sit and cry, always asking yourself why ?

You get past that and get a job. Even if it is opening doors and turning knobs. You graduate from that to make more money. Then you find yourself a real honey.

You get married and your on cloud nine , and you and your husband are in your prime. Then you have kids and bills and the car breaks down. Then you two yell at each other and break things making loud sounds. As time goes on your life goes bust. Then before you know it a divorce is a must.

Life can suck like that for a lot of us. Then we have to figure out what to do and who we can trust.

You finally have a job you can rely on. You have a husband you can count on. You have children that are great. You enjoy the house that you create.

You have the same bills as before , you have the same car repairs as before. You have new things that go wrong. But your happily married and you’re strong.

People die and you go to funerals . People get sick and you take care of them . Life gets harder with every passing day. That’s just how it is anyway.

Your kids grow up and have kids of their own. Then you watch them struggle to make a home. Life never gets easy the more you live. You have to decide how much to give.

Then before you know it , you’re old and slow. You figured out you lost your mojo. But you still have zest for life ,even if it’s full of strife. Life may be hard to live and get through. But can you think of anything better to do ?

I will write later !!!

Sept. 3rd. 2021.

Dear mom,

I love you and I still miss you . You’ve been gone for 21 years, and it’s like yesterday when you were here. I wish I could talk to you. There are so many things I would like to ask you, but I can’t because you are not here.

You were such a good person, I’m like you in so many ways. My heart is as good as yours was. You were so special to me. You still are. No one should have to lose their mom , but we do anyways , whether we want to or not.

I love you so much it hurts Everytime I think of you. I have good thoughts of you, and I think of you everyday.

I say things that you use to say all the time. Sometimes I have to laugh at myself for saying those things because their funny. Other times I feel sad because your not here . I cry sometimes because I miss you so much, and want to see you. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you or talked to you. It’s hard to believe that it has been that long.

When you first died it was hard to talk about . It was hard to admit it. My heart was broken. I was in a deep depression. I didn’t think I would ever come out of it. It took a long time for me to get over the initial death. I’m still not use to you not being here. . I miss you so much. I want to talk to you so bad. I only wish you could answer me. But I’m doing okay. Troy is on vacation this week. We are not going to do too much, but hang around the house. But that’s okay, we don’t care if we go anywhere. We like being home, as long as we are together .

I wish you could see Desiree, she has gotten so big. She is almost 10 now. She will be 10 in October. She is growing up so fast. Talk about getting old, Everytime she gets old so do we. We are not getting any younger. The age thing really bothers me, but what can I do?. I guess that’s just life. You of course didn’t get any older. So I can’t complain. I love you mom, and I don’t take nothing for granted.

Kristina and Tommy seem to be doing okay. I don’t know if they will ever get married or not. But they might later in life. Kristina said she is a little gun shy of marriage, and I don’t blame her. A bad marriage can be like a death. Really hard to get through. I should know, I’ve been married enough times, and each time it sucked. But I made it through.

You were so special, there’s never been anyone one since you and there will be no one after you. Your ability to love was so great. I have that ability , the kind of love you feel till it hurts. Like you know or knew, it hurts like crazy to love that way. But what kind of people would we be without it? That’s what makes us so special.. Even if no one else knows it.

I will write later !!! Remember I love you always .

Sept.2nd2021.

Girly , girly, who do you think you are, with your fancy clothes, and your spiked high heels ?

You do your make up like a saloon girl from the past. I believe you think that’s a blast. I personally think it makes you look too fast !

Looking fake is everywhere, from long hair to underwear. Is it highly outside the box to be normal ? Or do you always have to wear a formal ?

Dressing up is nice for when you go on a date, but what if you just want to skate ?

Who tells you how to dress, your agent ? How about dressing yourself like a real girl. How about acting like a young lady. Not like an older lady on a magazine daily.

Try to cut down on the make up, and do something different with your hair. Such as comb it, instead of teasing it. Lighten up on the eye shadow, instead of riding the pencil, and be really careful using those stupid stincils.

You can be beautiful with out a lot of stuff on your face, or fancy clothes on your back. Or walking on stilts. Just be who you are, a fine lovely girl. My girly , girl.

I will write later !!!

Sept 2nd,2021.

Blood and Rain are the same. They both can soak you if your not careful.

They can both pour down hard or very little. They can twickle down or come down hard .

They can both cause you not to see if they run down your face. Or they can cause you to look through it if it’s a slow pace.

They are different colors, one is red one is clear droplets. One can be easy to clean, the other hard to mop up.

If you cut your head badly, you will bleed down your face , if you cut your finger a little it will bleed in place.

If it pours outside you will get soaked. If you have an umbrella you could stay a float.

When it storms outside it could be a good feeling inside. To be in the house , to be with the person you enjoy and abide.

If you’re bleeding for a good reason like during surgery or something, then it’s worth it when it’s all done and feeling spunky.

But to pour blood from your body like a gun shot wound , is like going to the moon on wings you don’t have.

To stand in a bad storm , with thunder and lighting, is like standing in a tornado waiting for it to strike you.

So use your blood wisely, get wet only when it’s raining slightly, and try to enjoy your life with a mighty roar. Be careful not to cut yourself or be a bore.

I will write later !!!

Aug. 31st 2021.

This is my first writing here. I like to write poems, their not always that good, but I do the best I can.

Or I like to just write about my problems. Which I’m sure no one cares about. But I don’t care. You can read it or not. It’s up to you.

I will write later !!!