All said and done !

Sept. 27th,2021.

I’ve been feeling kinda out of sorts. I think I’ve been depressed. My depression is different than it use to be. I use to get so down that I would go to bed and stay there. Now I just feel lazy and no account.

I catch myself not wanting to do anything. I just want to sit and not be bothered . I have no gumption to do anything. Usually in the fall I get down. But it usually hits me pretty hard. This time is just there enough to be irritating.

I go through a lot of nights where I can’t sleep. It’s 2:13 am in the morning as it is. I just can’t sleep. I start out by going to sleep, but then I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. So I get up. I turn the T.V. on and watch whatever is on. Trust me it gets boring.

I get tired of feeling useless. When I’m like this I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. Nothing seems real. I can talk to some one, and it’s like I was dreaming. I don’t always remember everything that gets said. I try to remember things so that I can tell my husband or my kids. I forget so much stuff.

I forget even when my kids were young. They will tell me a story, and I have no idea what they are talking about. I’ve had a breakdown before. So now it’s hard to remember things. I can remember when I was a kid, but it’s hard to remember my own kids child hood. That is sad. Those memories mean something to me. I want to remember.

Things I say and do are in slow motion. I know that sounds silly. But it’s true. Getting up going across the room is hard. Just moving is hard. I just want to sit there and not be bothered. How’s that for living? I can tell you how it is ,, it sucks big time to be like that. I want to feel normal like other people, but there is no hope of that. So I just have to suffer until it goes away. That could last a few days or weeks. Trust me , I’ve been depressed my whole life so I would know.

I look forward to the day it goes away. To get back to what I think is normal for me. That’s all I have to look forward to until is all said and done.

I will write later !!!

Who suffers depression like I do . Let me know. Maybe we could talk.